My vision is blur,
His name is on air;
I try to catch the letters,
They slip away.
My vision is blur,
His name is on air;
I try to catch the letters,
They slip away.
Lately, I have been thinking of changing my career. It is really hard to do something you are not passionate about. Although I am teaching only for about four months, I felt like I should not be here anymore.
There were few times when I felt like I was finally embracing teaching as my profession. Whenever my students do something great, I feel so delighted that I could not ask for more. The problem occurs when they do not do their part. This is when my passion starts to fade. It easily fades. Maybe it happens because it was not my first love. Instead of being challenged to motivate my students, what I felt was hopelessness. I thought I will be stuck in this situation for the rest of the year, but it is gradually changing.
I find it magical how a simple gesture gives us inspiration to do something. A gesture that will make us realize how other people value us. It happened when one of my students invited me to eat with them. I declined because I still had a class to attend. She then asked me what I want to have (food) and I jokingly answered her, “Katahimikan (silence)”. The reason why I answered that was because their class is the nosiest one that I am currently handling. She laughed and said, “Weh? Ano nga po, Ma’am? (What is it really, Ma’am?)”. I left her smiling and went to my next class.
After my last class, I was in the faculty room when she knocked and shyly handed me what I “want”. It was a chip that has a label on top that says “Katahimikan (silence)”. I never thought that she would do such clever thing. I thanked her and a smile flashed on my face. It definitely melted my heart.
That simple act made me feel that there is a student that is willing to do something just to see me smiling and just to show how she appreciates me. It was indeed a magical moment to me. How it suddenly fueled my passion to teach wholeheartedly again. I just wish that this feeling will not last for just a couple of weeks. I hope I get to be inspired every single day.
“We are next in line” is a not a lyric from a song to us anymore. As the graduation gets nearer, it becomes a reality and a challenge that we must face. This “real world” thing might frighten us and strike us with uncertainties, but at the end of the day, there is only one question left; what is life after college?
The fact that we never get to control things gives us these hesitations about the future. The moment we step on the real world, everyone hopes that we deliver the goods. We are supposed to make a great impact in the field we chose. We are expected to survive. For the countless expectations that might be thrown to us, we need to anticipate that things will not be easy for us. Just like what Paulo Coelho writes in one of his novels; “When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not ready yet.” Trials are always there. We might lose hopes for not finding a good school that hires a new teacher. We might encounter rejections for still-not-a-LET-passer reason. We might heard clichés like “we’ll just call you” after a heart pounding interview. We might face people who will undermine us because they think that they are far better than us. We might be uncertain on the extent of what we can do. We might have students who will challenge our patience and competence.After a long and tiring day,we might feel that our hard work is not being paid off. Everything may come along the way to weaken or to strengthen us. We are in a place whereas the only people that survive are the fittest.
Despite of all the numerous things that can bring fears and doubts to us, there is still the feeling of excitement and readiness that hide deep within us. We just need to let the positive vibes flow in us. We must be the I-can-do-anything kind of person in a you-are-not-going-to-make-it world. In case of a hard time finding our ways to get out of the negative feelings, we need to think of every reason why we are chasing this path. We can never hold the future and design our lives like a building. All that we can do is to explore all avenues and do not be afraid of trying things out. All success starts with failure and the only sure thing is that we are going to make mistakes. If this happens we need to get back to the drawing board. Life after college is a make or break. Everyone should take every effort to contribute positive changes in our field. Fears, doubts, and all the negative feelings are just manifestations that we care about our future. If we overcome those feelings, there is no way for us not to succeed. All that matter is we know our strength and we are ready for the worse things that will test us. It is certain that we are the people that are next in line and everything beyond that line is UNEXPECTED.
There are so many things going on in my head. The future scares me so much that I start to doubt myself. When I reached twenty this year, I felt like all the things and decisions that I will make will be my responsible alone. This “real world” thing frightens me a lot. The future strikes me with uncertainties.
Now that I am in my last semester in college, the pressure to become successful becomes higher. Sometimes, I feel like my time is very limited to do all the things that I want. I want to travel, to buy things I want, to be successful in my career, to experience new things, to do stupid random things without thinking what others might say. Honestly, I am just starting to see how amazing my life should be. It seems like I was in a cage for so many years and spending my whole life studying. Not that I was “oppressed” before, but it feels like I was so naive and close-minded before I went to college. Now, a part of me says that I need to enjoy my life before I commit myself to someone, although this someone is still nowhere to be found. I want to be a better version of myself. I remember when a friend of mine said that it is not possible to have a great career and be in an intimate relationship at the same time. He argued that while I am busy enjoying my life and establishing my career, I can not find a man who will keep up with me. It gives uncertainties to me because as much as possible, I don’t want to sacrifice that aspect of my life for a great career. I never had a boyfriend before so it was hard for me to argue with him. The only thing that I am sure right now is that few years from now, I will be the one to tell him:
What do you think?
I always say that being twenty should be a start for a change. Like doing things that I never did before. (Well, good things at least) So when the semestral break came, I joined my high school friends’ escapade. We headed south, Batangas.
For a person who only does reading and watching at home, mountain hiking is really a challenging activity. Yes, we hiked on Mt. Talamitan in Nasugbu, Batangas! I never imagined myself in that situation.
For those who barely know me, they would bet that I am not gonna do this. As in NEVER. But I did! It took us almost three hours before we got on top of the mountain. We actually spent that three hours for walking, talking, and joking under the scorching sun. Our tour guide said that we could have been on top within two hours if we did not stop to rest. Well, we really needed to rest that time. We regret to carry our heavy bags with us. We had a choice to leave it in our tour guide’s house but we didn’t. We never expected that hiking would be that hard. Also, we had a water shortage. Again, we never expected that hiking would be that tiring. As we walked and walked and walked, it really became harder. To the point that I told myself that I will never do it again. It felt like endless. I thought it was really endless until I got to the top.
God! We did it!
I am so tired!!!” my friends kept on saying.
And we’ll all laugh.
We waited for the sunset and it was indeed beautiful. It was really different to look at it when you were on a high place. It felt good to be closer with nature. Far from the city and pollution. Just you and the nature.
We stayed there overnight and built our tent. It was cold that night and the wind blew really hard. Luckily, we brought jackets and blankets to keep us warm. When we went down the next day, we looked at the mountain behind us.
It may not look high but it is! And it was very challenging to hike! An activity that was new to me. I must admit that my free time was always spent in watching movies, reading books, and going to the mall. Mountain hiking was something different that I enjoyed doing. I was so happy that I did this thing now. While I am still young. I realized that sometimes, we need to explore new things. Explore beyond what we always do. Seek for some adventures while we are young. Someday, we may regret not doing things when we still can.
Explore Philippines! Let us jump for that! 🙂
My work is to teach
And so as my vocation
Two things in one field
The way the rain pours
Is like your presence I feel
As rare as it comes