There are so many things going on in my head. The future scares me so much that I start to doubt myself. When I reached twenty this year, I felt like all the things and decisions that I will make will be my responsible alone. This “real world” thing frightens me a lot. The future strikes me with uncertainties.
Now that I am in my last semester in college, the pressure to become successful becomes higher. Sometimes, I feel like my time is very limited to do all the things that I want. I want to travel, to buy things I want, to be successful in my career, to experience new things, to do stupid random things without thinking what others might say. Honestly, I am just starting to see how amazing my life should be. It seems like I was in a cage for so many years and spending my whole life studying. Not that I was “oppressed” before, but it feels like I was so naive and close-minded before I went to college. Now, a part of me says that I need to enjoy my life before I commit myself to someone, although this someone is still nowhere to be found. I want to be a better version of myself. I remember when a friend of mine said that it is not possible to have a great career and be in an intimate relationship at the same time. He argued that while I am busy enjoying my life and establishing my career, I can not find a man who will keep up with me. It gives uncertainties to me because as much as possible, I don’t want to sacrifice that aspect of my life for a great career. I never had a boyfriend before so it was hard for me to argue with him. The only thing that I am sure right now is that few years from now, I will be the one to tell him:
What do you think?